This is a Summary of The Art of Witty Banter by Patrick King
Have you ever felt as though some people just have this gift from God, that allows them to make retorts towards comments, which are both funny and increases their popularity? All the while, you can only watch from afar knowing that your intellectual abilities are somewhat inflexible, leading you to the conclusion that you are not funny. Initially I read this book to learn how to have wit, which may come as a surprise to you since I my writing style is clearly marvellous (if you disagree, I will find you!). However, in order to fly we must learn to walk. This book focuses on the delivery of statements in conversations because being witty is only one aspect charm. In this Art of Witty Banter summary we learn that building rapport is more important in making these discussions meaningful.
Table of Contents
Art of Witty Banter: Guide to Conversation Basics
First of all, inject these acronyms into your veins.
HPM = History, Philosophy, Metaphor
These are the building blocks for any conversations, as 99% of the time you will reply with one of these.
History involves racking your brain to find your own personal experiences concerning a topic.
Let’s say that someone is talking to you about going to the beach, this is a trigger for you to reply with:
- That reminds me of the last time I went to the beach…
- That’s just like the first time I went to the beach as a child…
- What are the chances, my classmates went to the beach a few days ago and hated it…
Philosophy means you are telling someone your own personal opinion about a topic. You are allowed to disagree with the other person’s view, it’s not a big deal. Using the previous beach example.
- I’ve always loved / hated going to the beach because…
- I don’t know how I feel about going to the beach. On one hand…
- I think that going to the beach is overrated as…
Metaphor requires you to relate the conversation subject to something it reminds you of. This is a trigger for you to delicately shift the subject to something that’s similar or not so similar. To make this work you need to preface the topic with some sort of transition.
- That takes me back to …
- Isn’t that the complete opposite of…?
- That reminds me of…
- Isn’t that similar to…
The fact of the matter is that everybody has these things – individual experiences, stories, ideological stances.
Hence they can imagine how one point is connected with another point. So, you can be confident in your ability to hold a brief conversation.
Did I hear that you want another acronym? Well, your wish is my command.
SBR = Specific, Broad, Related
These are all forms of inquiry, where you dictate the extent to which the other person goes into detail of their subject. Previously, you were describing your own experiences, now you are LISTENING.
Specific includes raising targeted questions about the subject matter. This form of reply causes you to move the conversation forward, by extrapolating the finer details. Let’s carry on with the beach example, since I know you’re not bored with it.
- What kind of sand did you encounter?
- Did you get a chance to swim in the ocean?
- What did you do on the beach?
Broad requires you to ask broad questions regarding the subject. You set the context by getting the background details, which hopefully divulge into sub-topics of discussion.
- Where / When was this?
- Who did you go with?
- How long was the commute?
Related is pretty self-explanatory, you just have to enquire about something that is either specifically or generally related to the topic and go on any tangents you see fit.
- It is rare when there’s less crowds in these public attractions.
- I enjoy taking weekend getaways.
- Isn’t it great, to receive so much sunlight on your skin?
Overall, the SBR strategy is about finding the facts about someone else’s account. Let them do the talking, as you guide the conversation. If it helps, think of yourself as a police officer investigating the whereabouts of a suspect.
I know that you’re getting tired of these acronyms, but I assure you that there’s only one more left.
EDR = Emotion, Detail, Restatements
Emotion entails you to detail someone else’s emotions when they are describing a topic. What do you think they feel when speaking about this topic? If you don’t know their exact feelings, just assume. Let’s finish this up with a – you’ve guessed it – beach example!
Other Person: “I went to the beach last week!”
You: “You sound ecstatic about that.”
End Result A – If you were right… “Exactly, it’s so calming when your feet touches the sand.”
End Result B – If you were wrong… “Actually, I’m not. Here’s why…”
Envision yourself as an open minded counsellor encouraging other people to talk about their feelings. When you declare the emotions of the other person, you appear to on the same wavelength as them and engaged in their emotional response.
Detail simply equates to you asking for details. Since we have already covered this, just remember to incorporate the 5W’s – why, what, when, where, who, and ‘how’. Doing this goes along way, as you get more experience.
Restatements means you react to a subject by summarizing what the participant has just said and toss it back at them. Appreciate the recipient by repeating what they just claimed, showing your engagement with their opinion.
Whenever you rehash what they say, you are indirectly approving them two times. To start with, the basic demonstration of summing up what they said approves their point. It lets them realize that you were paying attention to their sentiments.
In addition, you request their consent or affirmation to check whether you’ve perceived them accurately. This creates gratitude and goodwill from the other individual.
Further Restatement Examples
Emphasize certain words that will cause the conversation to branch out.
Other person:
“I went swimming in the beach last week.”
You:
“So, you went swimming in the beach last week?”
“So, you went swimming in the beach last week?”
“So, you went swimming in the beach last week?”
Recap all our acronyms one last time so that they’re engraved into our memory.
HPM = History, Philosophy, Metaphor
SBR = Specific, Broad, Related
EDR = Emotion, Detail, Restatements
Art of Witty Banter: General Advice Regarding Conversations
Since we are all now experts in replying within conversations, this next section will just gloss over the key messages in the book about things to be aware of in conversations.
Never Use Absolutes in Conversations.
Speaking in absolutes to answer a question is the most well-known method for killing any sort of discussion.
This is different from saying “in my opinion Mercedes’ are the best car to drive”.
An absolute reduces the reply to “Mercedes’ are the best car to drive.”
Whilst you can still ask them to explain their stance, your own opinions will be pushed to the back. Producing absolute statements makes for the conversation to be one sided.
Prevent the other person from feeling as though this is an interrogation by rephrasing your questions. Avoid making it seem like the answer is a binary right or wrong.
Here’s a popular absolute question: What’s your favourite video game?
Put boundaries around the question and make it non-absolute, so that the other person can answer the question without pressure or judgment.
Change this question into:
- What are your top few video games?
- What are some video games you have played recently?
- Are there any free-to-play video games that are enjoyable that you recommend?
Use Association
I’m sure we have all been in the position where the conversation is brought to a halt. Mostly because you felt limited by what you can speak about regarding the last topic. To avoid this feeling of frustration we need to move to a new topic. Normally, this is where associating words comes in.
This can be exemplified by someone stating, “I love dogs sooooo much!”
Yet if you know nothing about dogs, you could find it tricky to add valuable contributions into the conversation.
What does your mind associate the word ‘dogs’ with?
What does it think of when I say the word ‘dogs’?
Your emotions and past experiences are of little use. Just say what you think. New angles such as pets, stray dogs or your favourite dogs are just some of the many new possibilities.
Breaking the Fourth Wall
The fourth wall is when a screen character, temporarily breaks the screen barrier and addresses the audience directly.
Now I know what you are all thinking. How does it relate to conversations?
Well, my dear readers, envision that your discussion is a TV program. You and your partner are both characters and your conversation is the script.
Breaking the fourth wall requires you to get out of the discussion and make insights. This refers to the contents or context of the discussion / subject. You are making remarks based on studying the conversation from an external perspective.
A phrase such as ‘this conversation has unexpectedly taken a dark turn’ is a fine example.
The comment needs to show your interest, as you are pleasantly surprised, so feel compelled as to make a remark. Don’t comment on negative things because you will appear critical, making the other person feel like you are judging them.
Breaking the fourth wall is ideally used when:
- You are pointing out what both people are thinking but not saying.
If both participants in the conversation are aware of something that one of them has said but somehow want to skirt around the subject, like an unspoken rule, breaking the fourth wall is a humorous way to diffuse the tension.
“Did you say what I think you just said? Yes? Okay, then we can both ignore it and move on.”
Imagine that someone makes an unintended sexual pun and then realizes what they’ve done, as they lock eyes with you. “You really said that didn’t you? Can’t escape that one!” would be a great comment.
- You are stating you opinion on the conversation
The outlook should be entertaining and positive. If the conversation has randomly spiralled from a state of peace into loud playful laughter, you could say “This conversation has really escalated, hasn’t it?”
The Us Against the World Technique
This ties into the ‘us against the world’ technique.
By drawing on the similarities in thought patterns with your partner, you inadvertently form an in-group with them.
To do this you should identify
- what is currently notable to comment on
- what you share within the context and not personally
- common emotions that both of you probably experienced as a result of the context.
Here are some good examples
- “Yeah, I saw that Phil Mitchell lookalike too. Can you believe it?”
- “Can you believe how uptight everyone is here
- “Glad I’m not the only one here who…”
- “Yeah, it’s tiring in there, isn’t it?”
Create Fallback Stories
A fallback story is a tale that you can whip up at any juncture of the conversation that will illicit a response due to the way it is structured.
This needs:
- the bridging sentence, which transitions from the previous subject to this story
- the story itself should be succinct with enough context
- your personal opinion of the story
- ask the participant for their opinion
Sounds simple enough right?
I will give you an example, to show you how easy it is to structure a story from this framework.
“Someone said something similar. Recently I’ve heard from a friend of mine how much they hate university. They decided to do a degree in English Literature, even though they absolutely despise reading books.
He did not know what to do with his life, so I told him to just do a business degree. The entry requirements are low and the subjects that are covered are broad. What advice would you have given him?”
The aforementioned example is in no way, shape or form me just self-projecting my stance of university to the rest of the world.
The Art of Witty Banter: Synopsis of Wit
Here is probably what you came here for.
Finally, the long awaited answer in how to be funny and sophisticated in your responses will be revealed.
Use Double Explanations
When you meet a new person, they ask 10 common questions to gauge who you are. We can turn this on its head by predicting the questions they’re going to ask and answering accordingly.
Regardless of the person and location I can tell you the first ten questions are repetitive. These include:
- Which university did you attend?
- What subject did you study?
- Do you have any siblings?
- How was your weekend?
- What job do you have?
- Where are you from?
- How are you?
It’s vital to enter any conversation prepped and ready for these common questions, with answers that are engaging – removing the mundane NPC answers.
This is where double answers are useful.
Concoct a fascinating response for the questions that are barraged at your direction. Use a short and straightforward retort. This also needs enough context and be spontaneous – to prompts individuals to be keen on what you’re talking about.
For instance, when somebody asks, “What do you do?” the dull cookie-cutter response would be something like “I’m a digital marketer.”
BORING.
Rather, your replies should be:
“I get paid to manipulate people into buying obscure products through the written word “.
Whenever you answer with an intriguing take or interpretation of your work, you appear to be someone who’s different. This response is outside of the expected and show that you have a novel point of view on things.
This gets individuals inquisitive. You invite them to listen to what you need to say and further enquire into you.
The ‘double’ part of the explanation appears when you are giving an ‘expert explanation’ to someone who understands the context of your answer.
Using the prior digital marketing example, you would contend:
“I’m an SEO specialist, spending my days writing blog content.”
Good Natured Teasing
It is also imperative to understand that when playfully teasing someone there are certain topics that are absolutely off limits.
Confronting taboo subjects will not lead to more laughs, but instead create shock and disgust.
Do tease people about:
- Superficial choices. (That jacket is… interesting)
- Acknowledged weaknesses. (You burnt the toast again, what a shock!)
- Idiosyncrasies and mannerisms. (Even when aliens are laying waste to the earth, Mark will somehow be late from shopping.)
- The big elephant in the room. (Is no one going to mention how that shirt makes you look like you’re fresh out of prison?)
- Qualities of about someone that aren’t personal. (You probably have the worst job out of anyone I know.)
- Talents and positives (I bet you were told you have too much money to shop there again, weren’t you?)
Never tease people about:
- Characteristics about people they are unable change or control
- Political or religious views
- Deeply personal choices
- Values
The contents of the second list would be interpreted as a confrontational insult, as you get personally negative towards someone else. The line is too thin, so concentrate on safer subjects.
How to Demonstrate Wit?
These are the 2 most common ways you can project wit:
– Intentionally misinterpret their words
– Overstate your own beliefs
Whenever an individual you are bantering with says a word, imagine that it meant something completely different to what they intended, into something ludicrous, left-field, or negative.
Consider the different ways the phrase can be deciphered and pick one that permits you to playfully ridicule what they said.
For instance, the participant says, “I love zebras”.
Your answer would be ” You eat Zebras? That is gross.”
You fundamentally took their assertion and extended it to its most crazy possibility. The usable word is “love.”
Whenever someone claims “I love caviar” it clearly implies they love to eat caviar. Then again, when someone says “I love zebras” it clearly implies they love those creatures as associates. They don’t intend to see them on their dietary menu in the way they would with caviar.
A further good example is, “The marathon was so difficult.” You reply with “So you are bragging about the marathon now, are you? Geez.”
Besides purposefully changing the meaning of the other individual’s words, another demonstrable method to show your wit is by differing / intensifying.
Intensifying your own opinion
Whenever you can’t help contradicting something, intensify and overstate it to the place of disagreement. You want to exaggerate to a bogus degree that it makes an entertaining visual picture in their minds. Clearly you are overcompensating, however your over-the-top is where the humour lies.
Show your disapproval in a joking inoffensive manner.
You could say “Oh so you like to watch ‘Arrow’?”
“Okay, I’ll be right with you after I jump in front of that car.”
This shows how you really do not like the series Arrow and the second statement highlights the extreme comedic extent of your distaste.
Successful wit is tied in with grabbing the spotlight for yourself away from other people. Keep in mind, it is your version of humour that is in plain view, that needs to be conveyed.
Absolutely reprimanding individuals places the focus on them (not you) and places you in the position of judging them.
Witty Remarks
In order to create funny comebacks you need to use your imagination and see things at alternative angles. These techniques will help you gain flexibility in your brain that you desire, Helping you be the person that previously only existed in your mind.
- Pick apart what the other person has said.
Morph the meanings of the words to frame them in a way that is advantageous, acting as though you have received a compliment.
Them: You’re as lively as my deceased gran.
You: You mean I can freely relax without having to unnecessarily talk to people then thank you.
- Agree and amplify.
The major concept is to appear to agree with whatever the insult was pointed towards you. Then expand the initial opinion to an absurd degree.
Them: Your cooking was bad last night.
You: Just be glad you didn’t stay until the end of the night, when everyone was on the verge of death. Dinner at my place later tonight?
- Use outlandish comparisons
Disregard convention by agreeing with what the person has said, but layer on top of it with a remark that no one was expecting. Use a comparison that is much worse than the current statement and embrace your grand delusions.
Them: Your cooking was bad last night.
You: You’re correct I should have added grass to offset the acidity.
Do not conform to what they expect.
How Can You Generate a Situation for Yourself to be Able to Exhibit Your Smarts and Wit?
The initial step is to quit taking each opinion, joke, or question at face value. Refrain from taking these phrases in a literal sense, and you’ll have the option to place yourself in fascinating discussions more regularly.
This implies that you are capable of discovering multiple meanings / interpretations in regards to varying discussions.
Maintain the flow of the previous statements made to set up the optimal circumstances for your wit. Try using the previously mentioned 5 W’s and ‘how’ when trying to make connections between statements and your humour.
Them: “So I spent a fortune at Harrod’s today.”
You: “It’s so expensive there I had to sell a kidney and some strands of my hair to buy a mere wallet.”
Them: “He plays the drum like a possessed man.”
You: “I don’t think Satan can play the drums, he’s more of a trumpet man?”
Them: “Last night’s dinner made my taste buds cry.”
You: “At least you didn’t have to eat your own cooking. I made that mistake once.”
Remain as the inquisitor thought process. Add onto the other individual’s thoughts, intensify them, and make them much greater and crazier. Examine results and outcomes to acts that could never happen yet are still as amusing to contemplate.
This would look like:
Them: “So I spent a fortune at Harrod’s today.”
You: “It’s so expensive there I had to sell a kidney and some strands of my hair to buy a mere wallet.”
Them: “You’re lucky, I merely spent $2,000 today.”
You: “So you got, what, a pouch and a plastic bag to put that pouch in?”
“Well two plastic bags, but yes. Great value, huh?”
“Decent. I wonder what would happen if…”
The ‘Help the Introvert’ Scale
Rating : 5 Stars
Pros: This book definitely gets the creative thought processes flowing in your head, as you realize methods which can make you appear to have wit and be funnier. The conversation section is helpful for the reader, as it covers how to maintain a positive flow. The examples used are helpful in getting the other person to visualize where the comedy appears from. | Cons: YOU are responsible for finding your own witty remarks in your own situations. Do not rely on the examples of the book since they rarely apply. For some the conversation section may appear basic. Similarly, the wit section could be more extensive. |
For the full content of the book, I recommend buying the book here.
To learn about how to talk to strangers, check out our article on ‘How to Speak to Absolutely Anyone.’