How To Talk To Anyone Summary by Leil Lowndes
Acclaimed author Lowndes provides the definitive guide into how to converse with any person, no matter the perceived differences. This review examines how the book deconstructs the barriers that prevent people from fostering effective communication. The techniques discussed aim to progress the participant’s relationships to the next stage. In general, this book is a major improvement to Mark Rhodes similarly titled book.
Table of Contents
Posture
Smiles have the most integrity and sincerity when they are prolonged. Instead of instantly revealing your teeth to every living organism on earth, spend a second to inspect the recipients face. After clearly identifying their face, make eye contact, piercing their gaze even after the participant has finished speaking.
When your eyes want to slowly venture elsewhere, always return to the original starting point of your partner’s eyes. The posture of your body should be pivoted towards the other person, giving them undivided attention. When assuming the listening pose remove the fidgets in your hand by letting loose the tension in your body.
Under no circumstances should you touch parts of your face sporadically with your hands. In any event watch for any cues into how the listener reacts to the words you use in the conversation. Consequently, you can see if they are engaged.
To maintain a neutral resting face, envision yourself with an iron jaw, taking a bite. Furthermore, keep it as your tongue rests, slightly stretching the corners of your lips with a smile.
After the Hello
Now that you look the part you need to say the words that match. If your stomach feels nauseous at the words ‘small talk’, then remember that:
the aim of small talk is to put the recipient at ease.
How do we do this?
First match the mood of the other person. Henceforth, if they are tired you could correspond by sounding as equally as tired or empathetic, making the conversation digestible.
But what do I exactly say after ‘hello’?
ANYTHING!
The contents of your words do not matter but the delivery does. It is advisable for you to use original base level comments to convince the other participant of their normality. In essence, demonstrate how that both of you are similar functioning humans.
As long as you sound passionate about what you say, the other person is equally likely to be involved. Whenever you incorporate this NPC style dialogue, there is a high chance they have understood your message.
Notably, if you to wear a unique / peculiar accessory, other people are incentivized to initiate the conversation.
That is to say, people have a reason to talk to you.
For instance, wear a school ring and prepare a story about it, to readily answer the inevitable inquiries. Using the aforementioned example, the conversation can range from: education, jewellery, mafia movies.
The Techniques to Talk to Anyone
If you don’t know ‘Person A’ but you want to talk to them, here is your game-plan:
Immediately, ask the person in charge of the event for some information about them.
Accordingly, try to find out their name, job, hobbies.
Expressively, ask them “Person A over there looks interesting, who is he / she? “. When you meet Person A, namedrop the person that you got your information from and talk about what they remarked.
Eavesdropping into what other people are talking about is also a viable method of infiltration within a group conversation. Just stay close enough to hear what the group is talking about and jump in at the opportune moment.
Suddenly say ‘excuse me I could not help but hear…’.
Within the conversation the chances are someone is going to ask you where you are from.
Truly, the bread and butter question to getting to know someone.
DO NOT reply with a one word answer of your location. Thus, to get a more fruitful experience memorise an interesting fact about your location whether it be:
- History
- Population
- Landmarks
For example, my local area of Whitechapel is known as the backdrop of the Jack the Ripper murder mystery. Meanwhile, there many places in the world which have the same city names. While I know London as the capital city of England, there exists many other cities called London in:
- America
- Equatorial Guinea
- Three in South Africa.
Group Techniques to Talk to Anyone
If you’re introducing someone else add a descriptor line about them. This would help the other person who had no prior knowledge about them have something to ask about.
What is interesting about them? For example, your friend could be an avid chef, own a canal boat or be a pianist.
However, you yourself need to have a broad knowledge about various other hobbies, in order to tango in these conversations.
(This is where I will shamelessly plug in signing up for my e-mail list. In brief it provides you with a list of questions to ask for various hobbies. Ergo you can confidently talk to other people about their interests).
Likewise, if your friend has an interesting story pertaining to an event make sure to bring it up. We do not want the story of how they saved a stray dog to go unnoticed.
Regardless, keep up to date with the news of the moment and have an opinion about this. Yet, if you don’t have the time to create your own opinion, ask other people about theirs.
What to Say?
The question ‘what do you do?’ evokes discontent, since people want to be seen as more than their job.
Generally, there is always the chance that they are going through a tough time at the workplace. Hence, you sound like an opportunistic networker climbing the corporate ladder by asking such questions.
A better phrase to use is ‘How do you spend most of your time?’ as it produces more leeway.
Despite this most people still ask ‘what do you do?’ when communicating with someone for the first time. But now you can avoid this mistake since we are aware of the problems this question raises.
In order to appeal to people of all backgrounds, tailor your job description explaining how your profession will benefit them. A digital marketer could introduce the product to new audiences or help the brand have an online presence. In short it all depends on how you spin the benefits.
Additionally, when you find that you have commonalities, let the other person flesh out their point. Before you jump in with the ‘me too’ statement, WAIT, and then pick apart the intricacies.
Small Tips When Speaking to Everyone
Should you ever need to thank your partner, ensure you specify what you are thanking them for. The word ‘you’ is extremely powerful as it ties the fate of yourself alongside the recipient. Thus, it advisable to use ‘we’ in all sorts of sentences.
Uniquely, everyone has different degrees of their smile. Take some time to discover the subtleties, extending the length of your lips. Above all, use the varying forms of smiles on different people to look genuine.
Significantly, you should utilize creative metaphors over the tried and tested clichés when describing your emotions or events. Hence, this captures the imaginations of other people.
Many people will talk about the heartbeat going at 100 miles an hour when they are nervous. However, how many would ever describe this adrenaline-rush as swimming across the English Channel whilst being chased by Border Patrol?
Fit Inside Any Crowd
All in all, it is essential that you know the lingo (specialised terms), to ask questions pertaining to people’s hobbies. For example, if you ever speak to a scuba diver ask the following questions:
- Do they prefer reefs or wrecks?
- What is their longest bottom line?
- If they are they certified?
Notice how these terms are specific to their hobby. Since we are speaking the language of these other professions there, we display some awareness. By asking these open term specific questions you make yourself sound more interested in these fields.
Prior to meeting them know the current affairs / issues of their job or hobby. So that you appear sophisticated, as only fellow insiders are aware of these matters. Deeply care about it since it plays a substantial role in their livelihood. With this in mind, one method of educating yourself is to read blog posts or niche magazines about a topic.
Build Rapport with Anyone
For the most part, echo the same choice of words that the recipient uses. Do they call their work: bookings, gigs or contracts?
Whatever nouns, adjectives, verbs they employ, be a copycat and use it back.
In addition, utilise images about the recipient’s lifestyle that both of you understand. On the whole, a tennis enthusiasts would like to hit the sweetest spot with the deal.
Normally, everyone speaks in terms of the senses, so match their claims with the appropriate emphasizers:
Reference Type | Their Claim | Your Emphasizer in Response |
Visual | I foresee bad weather. | I see what you mean. I can't picture that. |
Audio | This idea has a negative ring to it. | That sounds bad. I hear you. |
Kinaesthetic | My gut instinct is that this won't work. | I know how you feel. You seem to have a good grasp of the situation. |
With this intention, use the premature ‘we’ to suggest that you two are already friends. ‘Do you think we’re going through a recession?’
Similarly reply with ‘we’ll survive’ and boom instant comradery.
The Art of Flattery
In short compliments made should be heard through the grapevine. It is more exciting if you say you overheard a compliment. Otherwise, you appear to be a suck up.
To repeat: don’t directly compliment a person.
Rather, compliment Person A by telling Person B what impresses you about Person A.
Following this, Person B will transmit the message to Person A. You can also take the role of Person B and carry good news / compliments to other people when overheard.
Moreover, accidentally praise someone by implying that they have a positive trait. An example is when you know someone is working hard at the gym. You can validate their efforts by stating ‘You have obviously been working out’.
Furthermore, killer compliments focus on the attractive specific unique qualities someone has. Correspondingly, you can tell them ‘you have a mesmerising smile’ or ‘you have the air of a leader’. Significantly, deliver it in private and once every six months, to avoid appearing as a manipulator.
Little cues such as:
- great job
- nice effort
- a fine attempt
Should be used to show appreciation whenever you are grateful.
Instantly apply these phrases once the spotlight is shining on them. Certainly, there are cases, where they may have failed but nevertheless you must still compliment them.
Yes, I am telling you to lie but it is for the greater good.
Markedly, soothe the performers ego and they will look beyond your false statements as you seem compassionate. When receiving a compliment turn it back at them saying why you are happy or appreciate their feedback / concern.
The ‘Help the Introvert’ Scale
How to Talk to Anyone
Rating : 5 Stars
Pros: I cannot speak of this book highly enough. This is the perfect guide into describing the methods in which an ordinary person can speak to the entire human race. People gain confidence in their ability to speak because they know what to do in these social situations after reading the book. | Cons: My only gripe is that more examples of certain statements could be made. |
In the hope that you want full knowledge over conversing with others, click here to purchase the book.
If you enjoyed this ‘How to Talk to Anyone’ summary, read this, to understand your mental shortcomings.